nettieheidmann's Autisable

Green Goblin

Tue, 24 May 2011 16:19:22 GMT

Here's the latest example of The Boy's uncanny ear... he's been humming this for days, and I would catch bits of it and think it was just something random he had running through his head, because it didn't really make sense to me. I should know better.

Here's where he heard it:

Fire

Sun, 15 May 2011 09:08:43 GMT

We've had a very interesting few days this week since Wednesday!

Shortly after 11am, when Megan had finished her last Great Books class of the semester, I left Geneva and Jacob at home with mom, and drove her and Laurent over to a friend's house to do some "mother's helper" work for the afternoon. I had just started back home when I got a phone call from Geneva - almost incoherent - and it took several tries before I understood that she was saying "The house is on fire!" Once I ascertained that she had already called the fire department, I told her I was hurrying home, and that it would be ok, before hanging up and calling Paul at work. He left immediately for home.

I could see black smoke rising from the neighborhood from 2 miles away as I drove.... as I approached the last stoplight before our house, all traffic stopped while an ambulance raced up behind and around us... so I ended up following that ambulance all the way to our street and parking behind it as it went beyond the yellow tape that was keeping traffic away from the house.

I had been praying all the way home "Lord have mercy, Lord have mercy, Lord have mercy..." and "Oh Lord, help me to stay calm and do what I need to do." As I hurried to the officer behind the caution tape, though, my heart raced into dangerously high gear, and I fleetingly wondered if this was what a heart attack felt like. I reached him and could only gasp out "It's...my...house!" He let me right through, but then I had to stay there, 2 houses away from my house. People were approaching me and all I wanted to know was "Where is my family? Where are my children? Where is my mother?"

They assured me everyone was out, everyone was fine, and pointed down the street just beyond our house to where they were on the sidewalk in front of our neighbor's house, and said they would try to get us together. It was obvious mother could not come to me with her walker because of the great fire hoses running across the sidewalk... but just then Geneva and Jacob saw me, and broke away from their emergency workers and ran toward me full speed. It was only when my arms were around them that my heart began to slow down. In the few minutes we waited there together before we could go join mother, I could not help but notice, incongruously, that Jacob had NOT washed his breakfast smoothie from around his mouth yet...

Finally a crisis team came and escorted us down to mom and we were given some chairs and water and able to begin to try to process what was happening, what had happened, and what was going to happen. The fire investigator took each of the children aside to question them individually, and there was a little bit of discrepancy between the two stories, so then he took me aside to question me about that. He mentioned that Jacob had looked a little furtive and wouldn't look him in the eye when he was asking him about whether he'd been outside or not, but then, before I could explain about his Asperger's, he said he then asked Jacob if he had ADHD, since he had a grandson who was, and he tended to be that way too. So I was grateful for the opening to share with him that yes, it's his autism, and he doesn't really look at people when he's talking to them even when he's NOT being queried about a fire!

Anyway, the story did emerge that after I left the house, Jacob went outside to jump on the trampoline, and while he was there, he saw what he thought was dust coming from the door of the shed across the yard. He thought nothing more of it, and went inside soon because a spring was broken on the trampoline. Within a minute or two though, he saw flames coming out of the shed, and raced to tell Geneva. She, in turn, raced to tell her Grandmother, who was in her front bedroom on that same side of the house, called the fire department on her phone, and they made for the front door - mom even went without her walker, though when she reached the front of the house she realized, "Oh dear, if I fall down, these two children can't pick me up!" So she went BACK to her room and got the walker, which had her laptop sitting on the seat... then when they got back to the front of the house, she realized she didn't have her purse, so Geneva ran back for it... finally they made it out to the front cage, but didn't have the key for the security gate - and there were all kinds of people banging on the windows all this time, trying to let them know "Hey, your house is on fire!!!!" It was Jacob who, calm as a cucumber throughout the entire event, went in and found the key and let the three of them out. The fire department was there SO FAST - they are just a half mile from our house, thanks be to God - and commenced taking care of business.

After we finished talking with the investigator, we waited for an hour or so for the Red Cross to arrive, keeping company with the wonderful members of the emergency personnel, who had given us the chairs, water, and some snacks. Geneva and Jacob had both been barefoot when they left the house, and they were given some flip flops that didn't fit, so they were just feet-on-pavement all afternoon.

It's a bit of a blur after that, but there was a lot of information from the Red Cross team (Bless them forever, they are the hands and feet of God!), and our dear neighbors John and Angie kept us comfortable, opened their house to us for whatever we needed, and I would have taken them up on their offer to sit inside were it not for the fact that it was an absolutely glorious day, with cool breezes and bright sunshine, as beautiful a day as you could ever ask for.

I was so surprised when the Fox News Van pulled up, I couldn't figure out how they knew what was going on. I soon learned they had actually had a helicopter above the house filming while the fire fighters were battling the blaze, and they were here to get some interviews. Paul swooped in and saved the day so I didn't have to talk on camera. They interviewed him, Jacob, and Geneva, and then took a little tour inside the house.

Click here to watch the Fox News report.

Click here to see photos from the aftermath. (I tried to load them here on autisable, but the hotel connection did not like me doing that, hence the link.)

We were so thankful for our friends, where the girls had been working that afternoon. They themselves had experienced a house fire a few years ago, and knew just what we were going through. They told us to come over there for supper, and it was such a blessing to sit down and relax and have a delicious meal with friends in the midst of all the head-spinning confusion. We were set up by our insurance company at a hotel with suites, that even took our dogs, so that was our destination after supper, though we did stop by the house once more to grab a couple of things we'd forgotten earlier.

And here we've been ever since, trying to sort out what is what. Mom's bedroom escaped any fire damage, thanks be to God, as did the girls' bedroom, laundry room, and garage. We've been able to retrieve some clothing for them, but Jacob's room and our bedroom were hit hard, and we lost all our clothing and most of Jacob's. Although the ceiling came down in the whole main area, the firemen were able to protect most of the computers, so Paul has been working on getting the network back online. We don't have all of them yet, and his server will be down until we get into a house again, so my main blog, Nettie's World, will be offline until that happens.

The house will probably require 4-6 months to repair/rebuild, so we'll be in a rental house during that time.

I have been repeating the same thing over and over, ever since Wednesday... how blessed we are, to have all escaped with no harm, even the dogs. All that stuff in the house, even the "irreplaceable" items, like an heirloom quilt, or my paintings... it's all incidental. We are fine, and we WILL be fine, and God is taking care of us at every step along the way. Our church is helping us with meals, St. Vincent de Paul right away gave us some financial assistance, we have insurance, and we have had so many friends all across the country - and beyond - praying for us. I have also opened up a Heidmann CafePress Online Store, which is one way for people far away, who have asked how they can help, to assist with the post-fire expenses.

So that's where we are as we move into Sunday after a very eventful week in our family's life. And, to close, I want to include a poem that was posted on facebook by a dear friend, that is an absolutely beautiful expression by Anne Bradstreet of her response to a similar event.

Upon the Burning of Our House - July 10th, 1666
by Anne Bradstreet

(1612-1672)

In silent night when rest I took,
For sorrow neer I did not look,
I waken'd was with thundring nois
And Piteous shreiks of dreadfull voice.
And to my God my heart did cry
To strengthen me in my Distresse
And not to leave me succourlesse.
Then coming out beheld a space,
The flame consume my dwelling place.

And, when I could no longer look,
I blest his Name that gave and took,
That layd my goods now in the dust:
Yea so it was, and so 'twas just.
It was his own: it was not mine;
Far be it that I should repine.

He might of All justly bereft,
But yet sufficient for us left.
When by the Ruines oft I past,
My sorrowing eyes aside did cast,
And here and there the places spye
Where oft I sate, and long did lye.

Here stood that Trunk, and there that chest;
There lay that store I counted best:
My pleasant things in ashes lye,
And them behold no more shall I.
Under thy roof no guest shall sitt,
Nor at thy Table eat a bitt.

No pleasant tale shall 'ere be told,
Nor things recounted done of old.
No Candle 'ere shall shine in Thee,
Nor bridegroom's voice ere heard shall bee.
In silence ever shalt thou lye;
Adieu, Adeiu; All's vanity.

Then streight I gin my heart to chide,
And didst thy wealth on earth abide?
Didst fix thy hope on mouldring dust,
The arm of flesh didst make thy trust?
Raise up thy thoughts above the skye
That dunghill mists away may flie.

Thou hast an house on high erect
Fram'd by that mighty Architect,
With glory richly furnished,
Stands permanent tho' this bee fled.
It's purchased, and paid for too
By him who hath enough to doe.

A Prise so vast as is unknown,
Yet, by his Gift, is made thine own.
Ther's wealth enough, I need no more;
Farewell my Pelf, farewell my Store.
The world no longer let me Love,
My hope and Treasure lyes Above.

Text notes:

Line 5: fire and fire, Fire! and Fire!
Line 11: beheld a space, watched for a time
Line 14: I blest his name that gave and took, see Job 1:21
Line 24: Sate, sat
Line 40: Arm of flesh, see 2 Chron. 32:8; Isa. 9:18-20; Jer. 17:4-7
Line 42: Dunghill mists, see Ezra 6:9-12.
Line 43: House on high erect, see 2 Cor. 5:1; Heb. 11:10
Line 48: Enough to doe, ie. enough to do it
Line 52: Pelf, property, possessions
Line 54: Treasure lyes Above, see Luke 12:34

Executive Function?

Thu, 28 Apr 2011 03:07:55 GMT

I tell him to wash his blackened, always-bare feet before slipping on his sandals to go to karate.

Two minutes later, I tell him again.

Each time he keeps nodding, "Right... right..." as he's walking away...

The last time I tell him, he takes a step, starts to take his lab coat off, then haltingly steps forward, indecisive...

I can see the wheels turning, and come to the rescue: "First take off the coat, then roll up the pantlegs..."

"Riiiiight!!"

One Year Aspie-versary

Mon, 18 Apr 2011 19:21:23 GMT

I really meant to do this two months ago, since February 4th marked the anniversary of "D" Day, but one thing does tend to drive out another, and here we are, nearly through April...

There's no really organized way to review this past year... it has just been a process of looking at our boy with new eyes, appreciating him from this new perspective, and tackling his nurture and education fortified with the enlightenment that came with the diagnosis as well as our own ongoing education about autism. I have read countless articles and blogs throughout this first year, both from the perspective of parents as well as adult autistics. I've learned much about the autism spectrum and where I fall on that spectrum, and have come to appreciate the neurodiversity (formerly known as "quirkiness") of my family-of-origin as well.   We've always been a colorful bunch, so Jacob just fits right in, perhaps adding a touch of neon here and there for emphasis.

Progress:

*    Self care has improved, albeit slowly, and we continue to work on that with enthusisasm and determination. Now that Jacob is in braces, brushing his teeth is an even greater challenge, but I'm very pleased with his desire to be independent, and willingness to do it himself for the most part, despite how many times I have to send him back to the sink to work on it some more.

*    I have learned to be more proactive in my follow through on instructions.... it took me a long time and concerted effort to shift from the philosophy that "Children rise to their parents expectations," which certainly has been true for my NTs, and to realize that, at least for now, I needed to make these two old nuggets - "Repetition is Essential" and "Trust, but Verify" - my parenting mantras. At this point in time, they must be applied to every single solitary instruction I give him, otherwise he just walks away and forgets what I've said within 2 steps.

*    Being in the Religious Education program at our new church this year, Jacob has demonstrated the ability to sit in a classroom (most often beside Geneva, but not always) and act in an appropriate manner, without getting up and walking around, or being disruptive (again, for the most part, although Geneva has on occasion come home with tales of Jacob sending the class into fits of giggles with his comedic efforts).

*    That said, it's virtually impossible for him to sit through a dinner at (for instance) a fast food restaurant without getting up and circling the nearby tables in what I like to call his effervescent mode -- although he himself refers to his quirky jerks and hand flapping as more of a sensation like an electrical charge. If he's locked into a booth and can't get out to walk around, he quivers and jiggles and leg-bounces so much that the people in the neighboring booth feel like they just put a quarter in a vibrating hotel room bed. It might be the sugar in the soda ... Scratch that, I'm positive it's the rootbeer.

*    Incrementally, the night owliness has settled down, and most nights he is asleep before 11. That's a big Win in my book.

*    School work -- the ADD meds have been helpful, though he doesn't have as great a need for them as many do. Some days we can get along without any, so I just play it by ear.

*    Still into Star Wars; still into You-Tube surfing for Lego Starwars Videos; still into making Lego Star Wars review videos for his own youtube site; added an obsession with Dr. Horrible to his repertoire this year, and all things scientific; and still into listening to and humming movie scores. Not a lot of change on that front!

*    As has always been true for Jacob, he continues to exhibit an extremely positive attitude and has a terrific sense of humor about himself. He's very self aware in many ways, and despite his deficits, particularly in organizational skills, handwriting and math, he is a great communicator, very logical, extremely funny, asks insightful questions, delights in clarifying and explaining technical minutiae from the vast storehouse of facts in his sizable brain, and causes us all both exasperation and delight every day of his life.

So Thank you, Lord, for a year of learning and adjusting, and we ask your blessing upon this next year - because, Lord, he's nearly 12, and his voice is getting deeper, and before I know it he'll be a teenager, and that's gonna be a whole new ballgame!

QOD

Thu, 14 Apr 2011 19:42:28 GMT

QOD:

The Boy, who has been on a mad cleaning spree in hopes of earning some money, as he breezes purposefully past me -

"You'll find that when I'm properly motivated, I can do ANNNNything...

Except fly."

What gave me the giggles was that on his way back into the room, he picked up where he left off...
apparently that statement could not stand alone,
but needed further detailed explication as to the
particular circumstances
and
structural elements
that would be required in order for such
(properly motivated)
flying to take
place.

The nice thing about Asperger's and communication is -
one never wants for clarity.

Revelation

Wed, 06 Apr 2011 20:00:25 GMT

Q.O.D.

Upon tasting a slice of my birthday strawberry-swirl cheesecake for the first time, Jacob exclaimed incredulously:

"Mom, this is simply AMAZING:
I just realized that the crust of this cheesecake is peanut-butter flavored...
I mean, you'd think strawberry and peanut-butter together would be disgusting -
but it's completely delicious!!
I can't believe it!!"

This is really funny to me because I almost never think about Jacob as being as picky an eater as he is.
I think mainly because he doesn't make a big deal about foods he doesn't like -
there are no meltdowns or tantrums relating to food.
He just avoids things he doesn't like and sometimes I don't even realize that some of his "preferences" are real aversions.

Anyway, kind of fun that he surprised himself
with a flavor combo that has a nearly universal kid-approval,
but he would apparently never have DREAMED of trying on purpose!

Brace Face!!

Wed, 06 Apr 2011 05:31:00 GMT

After a very long hiatus,
I'm trying to get back in the groove here.

Spring is upon us, and school is really just starting to hit a good stride, so I'm hopeful summer will be profitable this year.
I've just started Jacob on some new curriculum, and he seems to be taking well to the workbooks.
SO thankful!!

A major event for Jacob occurred over the past weekend.
Thursday morning we stopped in at the orthodontist on our way out of town,
where they put spacers on his molars.
Then on Monday morning, we went back,
and he had his braces put on!

Here is the last little boy smile with crooked teeth that I will ever photograph.

He was so excited on the way,
he couldn't sit still in the car for anything.

When we arrived, he was ready to charge back there,
and fortunately they were ready for him right away.

He was fascinated by everything in the room, and would have asked a lot more questions if he'd had the time.

Here he is, getting situated.

At this point, he still had not really begun...
things got a little less smiley,
but all in all he said it didn't hurt nearly as much as
the girls made it sound!

It was a bit of a struggle for him not to grab the doctor's hands,
but he exercised enormous restraint.
Still, the doctor said he could understand why it's hard for me to brush his teeth!

Here they are - brand new braces.
His first comment was that
"It feels like a large animal has taken up residence in my mouth."

On the way home,
he practiced talking to Geneva (who also had her regular appointment that morning)
with his bridge plate in place,
and realized within seconds
that he would have difficulty saying the word
"sit".

Which he found highly amusing.

It's All About the Legos

Tue, 28 Dec 2010 07:31:59 GMT

Today was the 11th anniversary
of the birth of The Boy.

On this momentous occasion,
we decided to take our chances with an excursion to
the Lego Store!

I say take our chances because I knew the excitement of such an event
might possibly
result in my son taking flight
and never again reaching the ground.

This was nearly the case.
From the moment he learned where we would be going,
he did not stop bouncing, shimmying, and
performing the most impossibly
complex dance-like
movements!

We managed to get into the mall from the parking lot,
with several reminders to put hands in pockets
and "try" to be calm.

Once inside the mall,
things improved, possibly because the onslaught of sounds and sights
overwhelmed his anticipatory energies.

Catching sight of the Lego store...

Walking through the door into that magical place...

Looking at a case filled with, of all things,
"Toy Story"
Legos.
The look on his face says it all.
Clearly, this is NOT what Legos are supposed to be about!

Ahhhh...

This is more like it!

Although we looked through the whole store twice,
we could not find any Lego Agents.
Though briefly disappointed,

There was plenty to captivate

back in the Star Wars department.

At last, (and it did take a while)
he discovered a set that was more complicated than he would have
thought to attempt,
and since it was marked 50% off, we could actually afford it!

The next challenge was standing in line to check out.

It was a VERY crowded store today!

But he was mighty pumped about his new set!

A birthday Panda Express lunch followed our
successful shopping venture.

Then it was home again,
to begin sorting through the 1,170 piece set.

He made very good progress for the first 7 hours.

And then, he hit the wall.

There was a period of profound discouragement
while we dealt with the reality that brains do fry after
concentrating intensively for 8 hours straight.

However,
I believe he has moved through that and will be ready to get back to it
after our little trip to the ranch.

It was, all in all, a very happy 11th birthday.

Specs

Tue, 07 Dec 2010 17:17:41 GMT

The Boy
has got new glasses:

He likes. I like. We all like.

Time, Time, TIME!

Sat, 20 Nov 2010 06:09:24 GMT

Took the kids to the 12:01 show of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows on Thursday night. That was interesting.

We arrived around 10:30, having purchased our tickets online earlier in the day, and went in to the theater, found it mostly full already, and grabbed the six seats in the center of the 2nd row. Jacob had already been bouncing off the walls since mid-afternoon when he learned we would be going... but it really began to show when he was sitting in his seat. The bouncing, the wiggling, the kicking of the legs, and then...

Oh. My. Goodness.

The asking for the time.

I had to keep my phone in my hand so he could look at the time every... couple of minutes at least! I took him out to perambulate through the halls around 11:15, and seriously, every few steps he was asking for the time.

He's never been into time before. In fact, he's been mostly oblivious to the fact that time does in fact pass in the world around him. However, the last few months I have noticed that he is very keen to know the precise time of certain things, such as when we are on our way to karate. He will need to know precisely what time it is as we are buckling up, and then as we are continuing to drive, he keeps comparing the clock on the dashboard to the clock on my phone (because he has learned that the phone clock is precise, whereas the one on the dash is a bit off).

He has informed me now that he would really, really like to have a digital watch. I'm slightly afraid of this...